5:04 AM
over. everything is over. over over over. dance is over. my manam is over- n bcause of tt my life also over. wat crapp rite. k watever. yea i cant believe the dance is over. its gone. its finished. n it feels like we were juz backstage getting extra super scared. my manam wen down the drain cause i did a mistake in the dance. freaking shit. haizz. wateverz la. n of all days today was quite a bad hair day. aarghs. but i had fun all the same. today was pretty screwed in alot of ways but we managed- atleast i did. firstly, we din hav cups for the drinks. great. ahahha. den the class wasnt realli cooperating to play the games. but it was okay. we played wacko first. den we played dog n bone. den we played husband n wife which was definitely much more fun. cause none of us hav ever heard of it n it was so much fun cause u had to wink at ur new wife hu was a guy. ahahha. n the husbands were girls. no realli the game is fun. n weird enuff i toked to zaki. very weird. mayb cause i was in sucha jumpy mood i wud hav toked to anybody man. i brought my cam which was gd. =) haven uploaded the pics but will soon. it was nice. den me masyi n pearllyn n mich n reshvin take 14. me masyi mich pearki n reshvin got down at the solar panel. masyi wen opp with us n took her 222. the 3 of us wen to SAC ofcourse. woa alot of changes man. n i saw alot of my juniors- including natalia!! shes p5 n shes taller than me. shoots. unfair man! i wen to the dry swimming pool n start seeing the whole of 6AL. it juz so happens tt ALL the 6AL students came there AT THE SAME TIME AT THE SAME PLACE. n on top of tt MDM RAHAT {form teacher] CAME THERE TOO. =) ahahah. it was fun but if manesha had been there it wud b funNER. we saw mrs naren also. whee. me n hema den left for tm. c like LOADS of temasekians. i even saw IRN. ahahha. we watched love wrecked. nice. but half the theatre was filled with temasekians. ahha. hema was so fed up with me saying tt hey. tt one temasek. this one also temasek. lols. in century square. me n hema also managed to play in arcade [shooting], go montip n eat ice cream. =D coolios. i came back onli at 7- but my mum dusnt noe. obviously not ah cause shes not even home. akka herself came at 7.45 onli wat. today is shank.ka's bday!!! n i tried calling her juz now but weirdly it was engaged? i will call her agn. but anyways- heres the song:HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U.HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U.HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SHANK.KA...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U!!YAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!! ahahhaha. =Dbig smiles. n yupps. i will find something else to do. wheee. woots.
--------------------------
5:16 AM
whoeeshh. lols. im in sucha energetic mood today =) yay. but im superr scared for tmrw man. the day of my dance. the day i dance infront of the sec 2s n 1s. freeeeak. shrieeek. wat the heckk. but i luv the dance. n i luv to dance. so yepps. but dancing infront of those sec 2 guys- who i c everyday- n its not tt i hate them or theyre mean. its juz too scary--n infront of ppl like ahmad n zaki. shoots lar. n on top of tt im wearing jeans to sch wen ur not supposed to- but mr.sara said its okay cause i hav performance. so i wud b folding it up to make it 3-quarters later -apparently it wud look nice according to rukku. n can u imagine. we had onli two days to do the whole dance. n by now we noe the whole dance at whichever part of the song. its coolios. today they put the science enrichment thingie frm 2-4. yay. cause aft tt i wen with rukku n rasi to white sands to get some stuff. yupps. but something totally unexpected happens. i was with rukku n rasi n mac. eating my french fries innocently. den rukku did the *long loud gasp* so me n rasi were like wat so i looked up to where she was looking at. rasi turned arnd. ruddy. yupp ruddy. so freaking unexpected. n ruddy was alone. even weirder. n sch had finished a realli long time ago. so y was he there alone with his sch uni n bag like he juz finish sch. k watever la. im juz scared he sees me dancing tmrw. i dun think hes coming cause he dusnt normally come on half days. hahas. aiya watever la. i juz need to go practice once again. =) its fun. fun fun fun. no fun no fun no fun. fun fun fun. okay fine im retarded.
--------------------------
5:12 AM
WHOA. im so freaking TIRED. danced frm like 10 in the morn till ike 4.30? wah my leg HURTS ALOT. so pain. i like put counterpain n i put my legs in hot water but they still ache. i walk like this retarded duck for gdness sake. tmrw muz still go n dance la! shoots. but tmrw is vinayagar sadhurthi so im prayin in the morn then im meeting them straight cause i hav a straight bus to my old sch n mayb appa can fetch me. but i wanna go shopping with them! sheesh. the dance. we r dancing for lose my breath by destiny's child. wah is like we hav to like move alot. n u noe. do stuffy stuffs. n it has to b sexy. like whoa. kays tt new to all of us- other than rukku. bloody hell she dance so freaking nice. all of us like were so jealous. n the thing is we r performing for sec 1s [tts okay] n sec 2s [not okay] i noe ppl frm sec 2 n they juz happen to b like this whole gang of guys. its not we tok or anything. we juz noe. lol. shit la. if i like dun do nice ah i think my manam [so-called pride in tamil] fly down the drain alreadi. ppl hu r dancing for this thing- me,rukku,nabila,nadiah,divya,lee xin,ching yu{not sure how to spell] n joey- not confirm for the spelling. but ya. its the eight of us. wahh damn shit. so scary. n aft the sch hols also im performing. -this time for my cca dance. all sec 1 freestylers HAV to dance so ya. n this whole teacher's day dance thing was so last min. n now we hav to like learn so many steps n find steps n trust me its super hard. n throughout the dance we hav to b like attitude. shit tts so not me so im scared i smile. cause u noe wen u c someone in the audience smiling u tend to smile also? yepps. im so screwed. woots.
--------------------------
5:22 AM
todayy. hmm. normal sch day. but yest i like slept at 9.30 ahahhaha. cause i was kinda realli pissed. but ya i found out y i was so moody cause i was pmsing. sheesh. so i totally forgot to do all my tamil homework which trust me is ALOT. so shit. i was thinking like die die. so i decided to finish one of the homework so i did it in the car- my mum n sis were too busy thinking abt their own stuffs. she din seem too angry but i had to pass up the letter-writing by the end of the day- 2pm. so i go to the student corner with peepools. go for dance. n decide tt im into ANOTHER dance which i hav to perform with divya n rukku n more ppl. on teachers day. wahh scary shit man. im like dancing twice- one b4 hols. one aft hols. freak. so i hav to go for dance rehearsals tmrw n day aft. shoot. i dun even noe how i got myself into this. i hope its gd. =) im into dance anyways. so anyways we i go for dance cca. we go to the avt- choir room- air-con room with nice long benches n stuff. super nice. we go there n watch HIGH SCH MUSICAL. soo damnit cool shit. funness. den aft the movie we dunno if we hav dance. so we u noe ask the teachers n stuff. n they say our dance teacher wanna teach the teachers day performers. so YAY. wat we did for cca today? watch high sch musical. whee. we stay back longer ofcourse. so funn. i go home with pearllyn n masyi n weilin. in 229. wat im worried abt mostly is the dances. im in deep shit man.
--------------------------
6:04 AM
this entry is also abt how much i hate my sis. yes AGN. realli. i cudnt take it. she was screaming at me for all the seriously stupid things like even fullscap ppr. she sucks. i cant believe tt she has my blood. eww. i realli feel like pushing her down the 22nd storey so she juz dies. she said juz now wat '' u cry i dun care. u die also i dun care. u suck. ur pissing me off. wan a slap issit. u dun look at me like tt u understand. im asking u a simple question. '' n much more. hema was on the line with me. hema hated her ever since last year. i hated her ever since i was born. i realli dun care if she dies also. it makes me cry less. like juz now. i cudnt take it anymore. so i buried my head in the pillow- still on the fone with hema. i cud feel the pillow getting wet with my tears so i told her to call me back aft 10 min. she understood n put down the fone. i wen straight to the toilet. n i start crying even more. im like crying for 10 mins straight. i cry in the toilet cause im not a loud cryer. i cry extremely soft. theres instances wen i, my mum and my sis were sleeping on my mum's big bed n i was crying. no one knew ofcourse. i cry tt soft. but realli. i cant take her. she juz wans her life to happen her way- at home. she acts like a f****ing angel infront of her friends n all. but at home shes a devil. she shouts all the anger she has- at me. its bcause things juz dun happen her way. n she juz shouts. n sometimes wat she says can seriously hurt me. n if ur wondering y i dun tell this stuff to my mum or dad? even if they did care, they cant do anything. cause simply. she wun listen. she wud b saying ya ya ya to my dad but she never listens to wat he says. she juz toks back to my mum until my mum cant stand it n she shuts up. i juz hate her so much. n the worst part is wen my mum supports her. tt sucks like hell. my mum still thinks she cares abt me n the family. i think shes dumb. she dusnt care. mayb she used to. but definitely not any more. all she cares abt is her bf. but i dun like her bf cause hes never toked to me. tts mean. but its not like hes not nice. n mayb its mostly bcause my sis dusnt make it a point to introduce me to him. n even if she toks abt me. he dusnt care. so they do match. haiz. i juz wanna kill her. i cant b happy with her. n tts y i hate coming home itself. ppl like coming home- unlike me. i wish i cud stay away frm home until she sleeps. den i shuld come back. so she wun hit me or threaten me or shout at me or simply. not mentally break me down. hiya. i dun wanna tok abt her anymore. she juz sucks.
--------------------------
5:09 AM
juz got so freaking pissed by my sis. once agn she stole the remote n changed the channel so she can b happy watching her show without any care abt me whatsoever. i was screaming at her alreadi. n my mum trying to resolve me hating my sis wen to tell my dad hu unfortunately juz came back. he made us agree to one day i watch the next day she watch. n trust me my sis was still arguing saying tt she dusnt do tt alot n bla. like real. anyways. the fact tt i hate her wun ever change tt much. ive hated her ever since she started hitting me. n wen i was a baby she pinched me n ran out of the room while i was there crying my heart out. n wen my dad came into the room she pretended tt i was a psycho baby crying for nth. so u can imagine tt ever since she was young she was evil? sometimes i feel like squishing her into this tiny ball n stuff her into a plastic bag n throw it down a building. ha. i wish. i mean. i noe sisters r meant to b mean. but i never knew until this extent until i was born unfortunately. n the saddest part is wen ppl ask i we r twins. for goodness sake r they blind! u noe she like always scolds me n sometimes even wen i like sometimes tok angrily to my mum. but wat abt her. wen she toks in the most rudest way possible to my mum hus gonna scold her? tts rite. no one does. not even my mum. my dads too busy to even realise. n i bet they dun noe ALOT of things bout my sis tt onli i noe. but u noe. until now ive never told on her to my mum or dad b4. any secrets. i hav never said anything. but she takes advantage of tt. n i bet my mum dusnt noe tt she calls me bitch almost everyday. i bet she dusnt noe tt my sis used to use **** on everyone in the house including my dad. they dunt noe alot of things bout her. n they think they do. haiz. i dun care abt her anyways. my dads so funny. he came up n was like u singapore citizen n not watching the speech. n yall can still say tt yall r singapore citizens n say the pledge. ahahah. i was like u also not watching wat!! n he was like i wrote the script for him so y i need to watch. yea tts my dad. totally cuckoo. but i juz wish he wud b at home so he can b even more cuckoo. n i wish he cud tok to my mum normally. i wish alot of things but dreams dun really come true especially for me. the only happiness i get nowadays r frm my friends but at the moment tts quite little also. wat the heck is happening. but u noe. everything tt happens has a gd reason. but i reaalli wonder wat gd reason can there b for all this. to cheer up i shall listen to music n dance arnd. =)
--------------------------
2:08 AM
today was kinda funn. wen swimming in the morn with shakthi aunty! its been superrr long since ive seen her. mayb it was ever since i was like onli p1? hu noes man. anyways. shes the bestest person ever to b with cause shes sooo super modern n its like shes one of us teens. mainly bcause she used to teach in st.pats. she actually used to like teaching there. shes like one of the coolest teachers i noe. i took ages to come out of the bathroom while bathing. like duhh. my poor hair. so i had to put 3 layers of shampoo on it b4 i cudnt stand amma telling me to hurry up cause she was out alreadi n she had changed. i mean 3 layers as in put. wash. put. wash. put wash. yupps. but bcause of intelligent job, my hair is perfectly normal. even amma said tt my hair was so soft. =) anyways. aft tt we wen for chicken rice at this reaalli nice place. very surprisingly, her fav food is also chicken rice!! aaaahhh. sooo hard to find like full-time chicken rice lovers u noe. den on the way back rashid smses me cause hes bored. i called him wen i came back. he told me to c his gf on friendster. i saw her pic. im not gonna say anything bout her but i bet shes nice. he asked me'' she not very pretty rite'' i was like wth. wat a toot rite. den my stuupid sis has to come tell me to choose one. the fone or com. i told her u also using the com wat. [upstairs one] den she was like im using the com for work unlike u. i was like SO. n she starts shouting. freaking toot. like theres this song thing tt reshvin n nabila told me. their history teacher is diff frm mine u c. n tt teacher loves to sing. but seriously she cant sing for nuts. n apparently while their copying notes she likes to sing this song '' some r slow. very slow. some r fast. oh so fast.'' n theres this boy in reshvin's class hu was like '' some r toot. very toot. some r toot. oh so toot.'' she din hear it la ofcourse. lols. haiz. im so bored. rashid seems to noe ppl frm my sch but tt idiot wun tell me hu! apparently he saw this guy[frm temasek] in the bus n asked the guy if he knew hus ashwini. n tt guy said ya! but he dun wanna tell me hu!! stupid. i seriously wonder hu the heck it is. its kinda freaky cause its like he has a spy or something. tt guy muz hav probably said stuffs bout me also. hu the heck is he man. n this stupid rashid ah. tell everyone bout me. even to his gf now. he told me to go add her. i was like y? she dunno me. den he was like no i alreadi told her bout u. everything. i was like..umm okaay..weird guy he. im so super bored. hmm...wat shall i do. mayb i shall go thru friendster profiles agn. look for ppl. lol.
--------------------------
6:51 AM
here i m. agn. hahas. im bored kay. anyways. i juz decided to juz write stuffs. maneshas like practically got half her sch boys liking her. lol. both malay n indian. its like. ppl i noe like even masyi had an ex b4. n more. ive never had a bf. in my entire life. there were guys telling me they liked me n stuff. but i dun like them. how can i tell someone i like him wen i dun. my sis was like tt wen she was sec 1. she did stuff i wud never dare do now. she wen stead with a guy n broke up with him like 2 3 weeks later or something like tt. but wen he said he liked her. the thing is. she said she liked him too but i noe she realli din even noe him well enough. they were on msn wen he told her. n she was screaming. calling me. i was like omg. duh i was onli p5. den she typed yes. n i din noe how to react. there she was laughin n shrieking her head off but i was like so super shocked. i din noe it worked tt way. she told me wat they did wen they wen on their dates. god. wat a thing to tell ur younger sis! i was freaked out like duhh. but like i said. she din like him. so he was her short-time bf. which i find stupid. if i told rashid i liked him wen he told me. it wud hav been the same. it wudnt hav lated long i noe. anyways now hes attached n hes telling anyone hu wud listen. shes sec 2-his age- n shes his friend's cousin. dun ask y. these guys juz dun make sense. n loads of boys frm my sch nowadays getting for all the reealli stupid things they do! like some were smoking in the toilet. some were smoking under this staircase where ppl dun go to[hard to explain where] n there was vandalism by some boys at this wall where no one realli goes. grafiti actually. i din c it but ya. n it was done during curriculum time. how stupid man. they wan to vandalise y in sch??! god. n i hate smokers. i juz hate them. its the worst smell ever. if i knew the guy i liked smoked forget it. im tt kinda person. wen i walk past someone hus smoking, i wud actually not breathe until im way away frm the person cause no.1- i hate the smell. no.2- its juz plain disgusting n bad. if they actually thinks its nice n normal to smoke den forget it. u wun b with me. even if like as friends while im there juz dun smoke. sad part is i noe loads of ppl hu smoke. sheesh. im still home alone n nows 10.15pm. im so freaking bored. haiz. anyways. i shall go.
--------------------------
6:11 AM
my best friend frm pri. sch is getting on my nerves. we call each other everyday. but nowadays the onli time she calls me is wen she has no one better to call. or she juz needs company for tt period of time n den wen she dusnt need ur company anymore she puts down the fone. she seems to care loads more bout herself. it hurts sometimes cause juz now she called me. she called hema also n conferenced. but hema had to go- mum. den like one or two minutes later shes like bye..n im like huh? y? den she said- sharmaine's calling n we need to tok abt tmrw. i dun even noe wat the hell is tmrw. but i dun realli bother asking cause im so freaking pissed. i juz say k bye. n she puts down the fone. wth. n nowdays she slacks full-time. she toks back to teachers like hell. shes been to rtc if im not wrong. wth. wat is happening to my bestest friend. shes changing quite alot. especially to me. i mean im okay abt her toking to her other friends. but the least she cud do is tell me nicely instead of practically forcing me to put the fone bcause someone more important is calling. im juz trying my best to let myself not think abt her. if shes reading this i think she obviously noes hu im referring to.
--------------------------
5:37 AM
yay. im listening to joj- too little too late. soo in luv with tt song. im let loose in the house. im ALONE IN THE HOUSE. apart frm my aunty n my dog n fishies n crabs. yupp. hermit crabs. i LUV being home alone cause theres no need to get angry at anyone. theres no need to shout at my sis over th fone. =) its NICE home alone. i hav everything to myself. my parents n sis wen for some show which apparently isnt for my age. which is gd for me. =D i like doing watever i wanna do without nagging frm both sis n mum. n abit frm dad. hes continuosly saying my rm's a pig sty. its over a month n hes still saying it. but i cant realli make myself to go clean my table cause its seriously bad. full of books n papers all over the place. today i came home late cause i had NO dance. make sense? lols. last min they said theres no dance. so we decide to slack in sch. we end up leaving sch at 6. i reached home at 7. its even later than normal days tt hav dance. we crap the whole way. frm 12.45.ahahah. fun man. we laugh like hell cause we sing barney songs n tok abt elmo n big bird n cookie monster n even zoe. i actually treat them to yoghurt frm the vending machine. nabila n reshvin were like u said u wud treat rite!! -but i never said anything bout it- n emelia was like realli u wanna treat? i was like no ah! but i end up giving in.=) n they ask me if its true n whether i need to pay them back but obviously i refuse to let them pay. it was loads of fun in total. i saw keisha on the bus 2. i saw arasi n janu n amanda on 10. their cca finished at the same time. there was also a cute indian guy in 2. ahahahha. now im toking to shaki. nowadays i sometimes juz dun understand her. shes most of the time calling her friends n its juz diff. i can get used to it. anyways. im gonna go do something else.
--------------------------
12:56 AM
darkest purple. definitely cannot c. =) came back frm sch abt an hour ago. nows gonna b four. so yupps. i came back super early. cause mich n pearki made me take 10. i take 14 bcause i dun like coming home early. its super boring n on top of tt i force myself to do homework. today was so boring as usual. cause first period is history- which im actually listening to wat shes saying. AMAZING. - den second period is science. science is mdm tan. bleah. den its recess. shared baked pasta with masyi- yumm. den its maths. bleah. got test u c. den its lit. yay. lols. i luv ms.lee our lit teacher but i hate the sub. lit. it totally sucks. except for the drama. super fun =) den its lunch break. bleah. pretty boring. den its ISP. n we tok abt the selling thingie we hav to do. quite okay. den masyi goes for HMT. n its juz the three of us. squished in 10. pearki gets down with me. but she leaves like a minute or two later cause 9 came. so i listen to my mp3 all alone in the bus stop. i luv being alone in the bus stop cause im free to do whatever i wanna. 2 takes forever to come. three 9-s passed n one 10. the bus is kinda crowded- so not my type of happy nice ride. i come back n manju jumps on me- =) i luv her. i can always tok to whenever anythings wrong. she totally understands n the thing is she cant tell me wats right or wrong so i can juz tok everything out without interuptions which is gd. [if u think toking to a dog is weird then i think u r weird] now im bored. i CAN do my homework but u tell me hu wans to! i shall call up peepools n c wassups with them.
--------------------------
6:35 AM
haiz. im a sad ant. today was extra boring. poor rukku was sick so she din come. apparently her fever doesnt go down at all n stuff. oh gosh. she got mc for todae n tmrw. n somemore mdm ashika the nicest tamil teacher ever suddenly screamed at divee. we all got a shock of our lives. i mean shes the person hu never in her entire life screams. it was so scary. n she screamed juz bcause divee din do her compo in her book n did it on fullscap ppr. she was saying tt she doesnt like ppl hu dun do their homework n bla bla. todays dance normal. we did blocking [positioning] n very very sadly im gonna do the jazz part which totally sucks cause the hip hop is waaay better. there were onli eight girls selected for the jazz. n we miss the whole hip hop. n come to the girls part where onli the girls do n its kinda ehm. so sad. i mean the ppl hu do better in the jazz get selceted for it but i dun c me doing well in it?! atleast im not standing rite infront. but its the first part of the whole dance so obviously they expect u to start well n onli 8 girls. ppl wud like c how u dance n stuff. aarghh. nvm its okay. =D smile. smile. smile. im so lazy to write more so yupps.
--------------------------
6:25 AM
like this colour. dunno y. yest was appa's bday. happy happy. we gave him his present- TABLA [indian drums type thingie] damnit nice ah. damnit ex too. lol. i guess he needed it la. hes been hitting too many things. in the aft we went to this super posh place called goodwood park hotel. damn nice. it was like we were rich freaks or something. lol. they had red carpet on the stairs n the toilet was soo nice n the place was full of full-length mirrors absolutely clean n shiny. we had high tea. which was like all the pastries n sandwiches n stuffs. appa made me eat all these weird stuff tt look pretty but taste eeuck. but some were okays. n it was by the pool. it was nice going out with appa. we never do it normally. amma liked it. evening wen to my grandmums place. had fun with cousins as usual. left at like 10.30 came back at 11 slept at 11.30 n i cudnt get up in the morn todayy. amma woke me up like three or four times cause i kept sleeping agn. today. alive was with magic lady hu almost zapped ppl. home econs. the teacher burned mine n jing ying's shepherd's pie cause instead of turning the microwave off she turned it to the highest. no one realised until the whole class cud smell the ''chaotah'' smell. sad. aft tt english. tok loads. laughed loads. obviously ah. in english its always like tt. sitting with masyi. can go crazy. n theres always this men's health magazine under my table. n its frm the sch library. ahha. we found loads of very ''interesting'' stuffs there. lol. IS was boring. had to do tamil hmework. so happee n proud of myself tt i finished it without distractions. =D wen to solar panel aft tt n wen to 7 eleven. saw masyi's ''chinese'' [hu is realli malay n looks malay but rukku thinks he looks chinese] cousin in the bus. lol. we all were eating lollipops cause mr lim gave all the ppl hu got full marks on the test he gave. yay. all five of us got. =) still hav one more saved for tmrw. definitely not for my stupid sis. but anyways tt story is later. i came back abt 5 wen sch finished at 3. n thank god my sis din ask me how come i came back so late. she was in her world agn. so we din tok. she was home the whole day cause she had flu. i took manju for a walk. mostly running all the time. but yea she liked tt. shes been asking for a walk for a realli long time. n normal day at home. my sis screams. i keep saying i hate her. my mum tries to help by asking y i hate her. but she ends up supporting me cause she herself noes. my sis is the most bossiest person on earth. n she noes if she shouts she gets her way. so shes like tt at home 24/7. tts y i dun tok to her. i was one the fone ah. she juz came n told me quietly i wan the fone. i din hear it. den she says it a second time n im like but im using it now. n shes starts shouting i ask u two times nicely n u can still say...bla bla. so to shut her up i i ask manesha to call my hp. all of friends noe how annoying she is. cause shes always shouting at me wen im on the fone. n den later i was toking to pearllyn. den agn she was like i wan the fone. i was like y. n there she goes shouting agn. u c. u cannot win with sucha annoying stupid sis. i cant believe i actually survived with her for 13 years alreadi. i wonder how im gonna do the same for the following years. shes so freaking annoying sometimes i feel like strangling her. n sometimes i noe if i shudup sooner or later she wud shutup also so tts wat i do. aiya. heck care her. maneshas cheering me up rite now. shes the best. as long as i hav ppls like her its gd. n i guess i shud sleep early but im too bored to. lol. my mums sleeping behind me on her bed. the evil one is in her room. agn in her own world. manjus downstairs waiting for us. aunty also. i shud go down go drink my milk. dun wan her to stay up bcause of me.
--------------------------
1:00 AM
im kinda wearing the same colour t-shirt as the colour im using now. hahas. y is tt important? ok anyways. now im in my grandmums hse. my legs r still aching cause ive been using them too much. yest had dance. n poor khaiqal hit his hard on the dance rm floor cause he was trying to do this thingie thing- hard to explain. but he hit his head more than once n aft the hits he looked abit weird n his eyes were kinda red. poor thing. on the way back home i saw my sis in the bus. actually i saw her at tanah merah. so we came home together. den my mum practically forces me to go temple. its not tt i dun go or anything. but i was waay to tired to go! n somemore my sis wasnt going either. anyways. i wen there. followed my mum n grandmum arnd. came home onli at abt 10.40- taxi problems. i cant realli say wat i did today cause i dun wan the wrong ppl to read. but it was super fun all the same. now im like reealli bored. my auntie is not here cause she has some problems at her sister's hse tt no one here can tell me anything abt. my fone onli has one batt. aargh. this sucks. my mum is juz sleeping behind me. im so boreed. i shall go find something to do.
--------------------------
12:05 AM
yest was fun. national day. whee. wen to watch fireworks with cousins n thivian. super fun. n it happened to b tt the block n exact place we were at had a indian family. n surprisingly another indian family came later. so both sides were indian families. the moon was super duper nice. n its realli hard squishing into one tiny car. 7 kids of all sizes n one giant- according to my sis. hee. wen with my dad. we took loads fotos as usual. ate chicken rice. super nice. now im going out with perima cause todays her bday! i gave her bday prezzie which were her fav pearl earrings. =) gonna watch pirates of the carribean. gotta go change. boo byee.
--------------------------
1:27 AM
yo. not exactly in the best mood. but today was half totally fun n half totally sad n hard for me to take. normal national day celebrations. fun. im with masyi n pearki most of the time. having soo much of fun. den me divee masyi pearki rukku n ranjanni [janu] walk to tanah merah. den we take mrt to tm. n we c half the sch there la. having fun. taking neoprints n playing at toys r us. but the sad part comes wen rukku suddenly looks extremely sad n dusnt tok to any of us properly. she told me everything later. actually juz now. its so hard. her life. i dun understand how shes been hiding all this frm me for sucha llooong time. i juz wish i knew how to help her. she has problems with friends. family. cousins. n shes telling me she cant even b happy. we were toking for damnit long la. until my batt suddenly wen flat. n now i cant call her. shit. she was telling me everything. i noe how she feels living without a dad n tt totally sucks. shes got soo many problems dumped on her n she cant handle it. she told me. ive always been thinking. mayb she needs a counsellor to atleast advice her. cause wat m i to say! i think like her. i cant sound older rite. i cant give advice like an adult rite. i noe i can help her in one way tho. cause i noe shes suffering from friendship problems from this stupid b***** hus always mean to her n i no one noes y. im juz not gonna let her suffer from her anymore. i cant juz watch n act like nth's wrong aft she told me how she felt. its up to us now. but now im so so confused. n i dunno wat to do. n on top of tt i hav itty it. nn i reealli wanna stay in keez's hse so i can try n get advice from the bestest cousins ever. i need cheering up for goodness sake. i saw shank.ka today at tm! =D she suddenly tapped me n i turned arnd n i was like hi shank.ka! lol. she was with azhar gonna watch a movie. gosh hes tall n im guessing hes shy? lols. i wish wish wish i can stay over at their place! i need looads of cheering of n i need my happy-go-lucky mood back cause im tt kinda person! ok guess wat. amma juz called n crushed everything. she said i cant go stay cause mayb appas bringing us to go c fireworks. wow. so fun. even if he brings us. it wud never b as fun as last time. me akka n appa used to make fun of my mum. n it was always my dad hu started it. it used to b so much of fun. my dad. he changed everything. n it wasnt onli him. now its akka also cause shes all about being in her own little world. it wunt b the same cause now appa dusnt even tok to my mum n it looks like he practically hates her. n sometimes i dun understand amma either. i juz had a long cry out thinking y does everybody treat me like im so much older. theres no one to make me feel small n young. hema's bro is like soo super nice. shaki rarely even toks to me nowadays. n manesha mostly tells me abt her own things than listening to me at all. n my onli sister is going further n further away from me. hu else do i hav? manju? my dog? the onli fear i hav is wat if she goes?! its a horrible thought but i cant help thinking. i wud b probably bcome a panda aft crying so much. n i wud probably miss days of sch. it wunt b easy at all. n amma depends on me to help her all the time to get appa to tok to her. n i cant stand the fact tt shes making me miss all the stuff i wanna do bcause she believes appas bringing us out but he never is. n even if he does. its definitely not fun at all. we wud probably juz b quiet in the car. me n akka. we r old enuff to noe. we r old enuff to noe y appa is like tt. we noe. n amma juz tries to cover everything like using loads n loads of makeup to cover the ugly pimple. it sucks. n i cant take it. i dun even hav the mood to go serangoon road with amma to buy appa's gr8t present. but u noe wat. amma told me shes scared appa wud scold her for buying the present. n i wun b surprised if he does. my life isnt perfect. but i juz wished it cud b a bit better than this? like how it used to b b4. mayb being 13 is seriously unlucky. unlucky for me i guess.
--------------------------
6:33 AM
loads of stuff happened over the weekend. to cut short. i managed to stay over at aatha's place baby-sitting my three boy cousins having loads of fun. playing loads of badminton n stuff. aft tt we wen to keez's hse. more fun. loads of fun in total. n todayy. normal sch dayy. but i wen with my mum to tm to buy a red shirt for tmrw =) a giordano shirt as usual. but weirdly. i felt like a small little girl following my mum to buy something. den i wen to ntuc cause she wanted to buy fruits. n on top of tt i let go my hair. more like a little girl. lols. i may sound totalli stupid n nonsensical but i make sense to me. =) going out tmrw with divee rukku masyi mich n pearki. [divya rukku masyitah michelle pearllyn] going tm AS USUAL. i tried to brainwash my mum in the car today abt allowing me to go OTHER places than stupid old tm but haiz. juz wun work. sighs. y cant i go to orchard or something wen ive been there with my friends wondering alone! -during choco day. i told her n she was like. still wun work n she started laughing. sheesh. lol. my mum told me today. tt shes scared of my dad. i mean wat a thing to say to a 12+ girl! y always me getting the responsibility. it sucks. juz now. my sis was lying down on the bed juz nex to the cupboard. n she din wanna help my mum take a nightie frm the cupboard. so I had to get up. go take it. while i was still using the com. n toking on the fone. she sucks la seriously. den juz now she was shouting at me to get off the home fone so SHE can use it. i mean y cant she use her hp??! she always has a reason for tt-'' the person cant call. i hav to call.'' i feel like killing her. n end up i hav to use my hp. even tho amma tells her tt im using n she can use later. even hema noes abt her. she asked me how i live with her. how m i supposed to ans tt??! she was like saying if i were u i wud juz tok back. but the thing is no matter how loud i fight back she still gets her way. n sometimes with the help of my mum. so i get fed up with both of them n i dun tok to them. tts wat happens most of the time. actually it happens all the time. n on top of it my mum is trying to tok to both of us separately to try to get us to stop shouting at each other. it definetley wun work with her. always screaming at me. even tho its veeery weird of me to say this but i kinda miss th old sis. the one hu tells me everything. the one hu shows tt she cares abt me. the one tt made me feel important to b with her. hema has an amazing bro. shaki has an amazing bro. manesha n her sisters always fight but manesha gets her way n they come back to her to say sorry. even my own cousins gowree.ka n shank.ka r close. how i wish i had a much better sis. someone hu dusnt shout at me all the time. the one hu dusnt act like my second mum. n the one hu dusnt tok to me onli for advice. we barely tok. me n akka. i noe appa'a trying to make it happen all agn. hes trying to bring back the family. but somehow. i dun think tt wud ever happen. i somehow knew. ever since young. tt my sis was gonna bcome like tt. she always wans it her way n she makes me listen to her no matter wat. i listen to her cause i wanna stop her from shouting n ive always had this fear. cause last time wen i was like p3 n p4. i used to cry everyday bcause of her. she used to hit me. pinch me. n there was this once. where i din follow her upstairs cause i was watching tv. den she got angry. so she off the tv. i still refused to go. n den she hit me hard on the head. n there i go crying agn bcause it was so damnit pain. n until now. she has never said sorry to me. not once. its like as if its a bad word. but amma makes me say it to her. n there was once i cant rmb y. but she was like im gonna slap u. n i like one goon go say slap ah. n she did. hard n cold across my face. n her finger marks stay red for the entire day. the whole patch is red for the day. i lock myself in the room we used to share. the bedroom. i wud bury my head into the pillow. cry everything out. look at the god pics n wonder wat the heck i did wrong to deserve this. den i wud stay there in my room alone for like half an hour recovering. den aft tt my sis wud try to tok to me like nth happened. i juz ignore her. but the most annoying part is tt my dad wun scold her alot cause my dad favours her like hell. she wud always say i deserve wat i got. tts ow i started hating her. but how i wish she turned back to the person hu told me everything. i juz wan a better sis. is tt too much to ask? mayb for me. still there wud b no sorry. n my mum dusnt scold. so yupp. i myself dunno how i live with sucha sis. but its not like shes forever evil. i mean she still cares. rite?. yes she does. she shud. now everyone except me n my dad are sleeping. my dad downstairs watching tv. i better go sleep ah. get ready for tmrw. all alone cause even amma has left me alone by sleeping extra early. nows onli 10.30. so yupps. chao-s.
--------------------------
1:00 AM
i forgot to type some stuff. the guys in my sch. some r juz plain old freaky.like today in the morning. arvind,sec 5, was standing directly infront of us but quite far ah. he was toking to barbara. whoa. something wrong with him la. i kinda heard tt he likes her but seriously there shud b something wrong in his brain.anyways. he was suddenly juz staring. staring straight at me. i got so freaked out. i was like thinking freak hes staring. freak freak. n it was quite a loong time b4 he looked away. hes juz scary. n den on the way t science aft history. there was this malay guy i think sec 3 hu i always c ah. hes very gangster.. matt. so anyways. he passed by me n michelle ah. so i was toking to this other person kinda infront of me [cant rmb hu] den suddenly i realise tt this guy is juz behind me. he was practically leaning on me. he pushed me abit n walk infront. i was like so freaking shocked. i din even noe he was there. den michelle was like mouthing wth n u noe raise her hand thing den suddenly he turned n we were like shit so we stifle our giggles. n he goes into this abandoned classroom n he was looking at me side. i was soo freaked out by him ah. n i most probably think he did all tt purposely. cause y the hell wud he pass in the opposit direction n den suddenly come back. hit me. n den go inside an abandoned classroom n still stare at me. scary sia. u c how freaky guys r. i reealli hate wen those indian old guys stare at me. the real india type ppl. they stare realli very scary. n i c them everyday. so this is one of the reealli main disadvantage of being a girl. especially indian. cause all those indian workers. indian whoever also will stare. all my primary sch friends kanna like tt everytime also. we always complain abt it n speaking of tt i shall call shaki n c wats shes doing.
--------------------------
12:31 AM
okeyys yalls. blogging- agn. i realli truly hav nth better to do so ya. n i kinda got addicted to writing here. normal day in sch onli today i had to bring bi plastic bags n i juz looked like i wen for a huge shopping spree or something. was carrying all the lit props for the drama ashley's breakthrough. the play was okay i guess. joshua rated it gd so ya. den there was a play abt the tale of the three mice n tt was seriously funny. zaki was wearing the hairband i wore juz the day b4 cause aisha lent it to me. it was super cute. the hairband had the mouse ears ah. so it was mostly abt cheese n micee n there was one part where they made this fortress type thing n it was supposed to b the flower power castle or something like tt ah. so there was this flower rite on top tt yusuf was holding. damn funny. there was juz one pathetic apsolutely cute flower suddenly popping out. the whole class including ms lee was like laughing like mad. but tt wasnt the funniest. the funniest was SANTA WARS- joshua chan's grp. it was sooo damn funny. they even did the mr bean dance n there was the entire santa claus suit n there was the stupid duckman. tt was tuck weng ofcourse. he was wearing seriously lamo clothes like u noe power rangers home clothes n stuff n he wore this towel with hello kitty on it as a cape n he wore an underwear outside his shorts. yes. i repeat. underwear OUTSIDE his shorts. their whole entire play nobody cud stop laughing. we had fun. so anyways.i did the normal stuff. taking bus back. seeing the guy frm 1S on bus 2. letting my mp3 scream into my ear. n coming back home in the burning hot sun. den i get all my happiness frm my younger sister my dog manju. she licks me. i hug her. i go up. n m super duper surprised to c amma at home. n i wud soo much rather b alone at home. but shes sleeping so its ok. i managed to find a last box of kit kat cappucino flavoured!! i took one. saving the other one for amma cause she din realli eat the chocolate. i wonder wat it was doing in the fridge so long. ouh ya. n i lost my purse but the thing is. i dun hav anything much in my purse except for a few coins n a few weirdo cards tt arent even used in the normal day world. so its ok. but i juz dunno how to tell amma cause recently i lost my ez-link card as well. not outside. but inside the house. in my own room. so tts how messy my room is but its kinda improved now cause of appa continuosly telling me its worse than a pig sty n even pigs wun live in it. but hey. its seriously easier for me to find things cause if i arrange everything everywhere i dun rmb where i put wat so mayb tts y i dun clean nowadays. last time i used to like cleaning my room cause i loved to decorate it. now i hadly even bother. akka;s room is sooo much cleaner but shes diff n im diff even tho we look like twins now tt our height also almost the same. everyone cant c the diff in me n her. some pics of me in my fon. rukku saw it once. n she was like y do u hav ur sis's pics in ur fone. i was like wth. even my friends cant tell us apart. theres this particular picture tt wen my sis showed my mum rite. my mum believed her wen she said it was her! i was like ma! ur our own mum n u cant tell us apart! its tt bad. hahas. k anyways. im so sick of typing n typing continuosly so chao.
--------------------------
3:16 AM
THIS IS ASHWINI'S SCONDARY SCHOOL LIFE!first...ashwini married karikaalan...
then...she divorce him...
then...she marry ruddy...
then...she divorce him...
then...she marry zayn...
then...she divorce him...
then...she marry rashid...
then...she divorce him...
then...she marry ruddy again...
then...she got one BIG family now...
ok u c tt???
TTS how reatrd my frens r. anyways i juz recieved tt frm rukku thru msn. m toking to rukku n michelle. totally crappy. its like michelle has aquaman n den ling ling den she two timed him for catman. [they r actual ppl onli with the names given by us] but the story is also made up as usual. myfriends r crazy. aiya c now im laughing at the com. can go crazy with these ppl. tts y their my friends. =D today normal sch day apart frm the fact tt i was pretty late to sch cause we left late as usual but we had to go petrol station first n den amma fetched akka first cause she gave some weird excuse so yupp i was late. it was kinda normal i guess. apart frm me exploring the tamil classroom alone. =) it was fun. my tamil txbk was in the other tamil classroom. so i got the key n im in the classroom alone all to myself. i explore thru the books. c hu exists in my sch. n yupps. tts abt it. n anyways i gotta b a gd girl n study for tmrw's history. =D [like realli] --------------------------
6:33 AM
boo. hehes. u noe. ive realised alot of things. one. i m super dumb wen im sleepy. like juz onli. im reealli sleepy rite now so instead of coming to blogger i wen to google. den i was like eh. y google ah? den there was this other time in the morning. my mum had to push me out of bed to get out of bed. so while i was bathing. instead of using shampoo i used face wash. ya n i onli realised tt wen i was abt to wash my face. i was like eh. din i use it alreadi. den it came to me. i was obviously like shit. die. oh god. n ya. so i took extra time juz to shampoo my hair n conditioner it until i feel satisfied. =) u c wat i mean. DUMB wen im sleepy. ive also realised tt its so diff now in sec sch. it used to b us girl talk. now its more like guy n gossip n sch talk. i miss the fun us tamil girls hadd. all of my bestie friends. all so damnit pretty. n there used to b 20 girls in tamil class. n now theres three. u c the DIFFERENCE. my tamil teacher used to b seriously annoying n evil but nice n funny at the same time. now my tamil teacher is forever funny making psycho jokes n making fun of karikalan. everyone calls him seran but us tamil girls call him karikalan. tts his real name anyways. its juz hard for ppl to pronounce. anyways. i wan the usual gang baack. there used to b us 6 tamil girls. hanging out together. it was soo cool. n together with our bestest friend marie ofcourse. i rmb mdm rahat [form teacher] she used to say tt me manesha n marie were like the three musketteers. we never seperated until we bcame sc 1. marie wen to sac. manesha wen to dunman. i came to temasek of all places. shaki wen to sac. marissa wen to sac. sumi wen to sac. so y din i go to sac? ya u can ask me tt a gazillion times n i wudnt noe how to ans tt cause rite now. i wanna go there. theres more indians in tt sch tt dusnt even hav tamil then this stupid pathetic sch which has tamil n soo little indians. manesha lives in her world of indians. n to top it off she has indian dance unlike this nonsence sch agn bcause i had to join modern dance. if there was indian dance obviously i wud hav chosen tt. im a dance person. i danced in p6 with my five indian girlfriends for pump it infront of the whole sch n it rocked like hell. everyone was screaming even some ppl we wd hav never had thought of. primary life was so easy. so straight forward. how i wish now was like tt. today morning i saw natalia. my now p5 friend. shes superr nice. she was waving like mad wen she saw me. reaalii miss her. miss everything abt primary life. i shud hav gone to dunman with manesha. tt was my second choice anyways. n the third thing is tt ive realised tt dance is part of my life. so is art. it comes frm hu i m. not hu i wan to bcome or hu i pretend to b. n the fourth thing is tt karikalan has changed for the worst. hes bcome a full-time nerd. i may sound realli mean but its the truth rite. the highest bag. the highest socks. the most neatest uniform. hes changed frm head to toe. n the weirdest thing is today i saw sangeetha staring at him! okay mayb its juz me. ya n theres loads more i learnt but hey. i wanna sleep. n nex time u noe dun ask me anything wen im sleepy cause i may juz say soap. or hie. or uuhhh- =D
--------------------------
