6:33 AM
loads of stuff happened over the weekend. to cut short. i managed to stay over at aatha's place baby-sitting my three boy cousins having loads of fun. playing loads of badminton n stuff. aft tt we wen to keez's hse. more fun. loads of fun in total. n todayy. normal sch dayy. but i wen with my mum to tm to buy a red shirt for tmrw =) a giordano shirt as usual. but weirdly. i felt like a small little girl following my mum to buy something. den i wen to ntuc cause she wanted to buy fruits. n on top of tt i let go my hair. more like a little girl. lols. i may sound totalli stupid n nonsensical but i make sense to me. =) going out tmrw with divee rukku masyi mich n pearki. [divya rukku masyitah michelle pearllyn] going tm AS USUAL. i tried to brainwash my mum in the car today abt allowing me to go OTHER places than stupid old tm but haiz. juz wun work. sighs. y cant i go to orchard or something wen ive been there with my friends wondering alone! -during choco day. i told her n she was like. still wun work n she started laughing. sheesh. lol. my mum told me today. tt shes scared of my dad. i mean wat a thing to say to a 12+ girl! y always me getting the responsibility. it sucks. juz now. my sis was lying down on the bed juz nex to the cupboard. n she din wanna help my mum take a nightie frm the cupboard. so I had to get up. go take it. while i was still using the com. n toking on the fone. she sucks la seriously. den juz now she was shouting at me to get off the home fone so SHE can use it. i mean y cant she use her hp??! she always has a reason for tt-'' the person cant call. i hav to call.'' i feel like killing her. n end up i hav to use my hp. even tho amma tells her tt im using n she can use later. even hema noes abt her. she asked me how i live with her. how m i supposed to ans tt??! she was like saying if i were u i wud juz tok back. but the thing is no matter how loud i fight back she still gets her way. n sometimes with the help of my mum. so i get fed up with both of them n i dun tok to them. tts wat happens most of the time. actually it happens all the time. n on top of it my mum is trying to tok to both of us separately to try to get us to stop shouting at each other. it definetley wun work with her. always screaming at me. even tho its veeery weird of me to say this but i kinda miss th old sis. the one hu tells me everything. the one hu shows tt she cares abt me. the one tt made me feel important to b with her. hema has an amazing bro. shaki has an amazing bro. manesha n her sisters always fight but manesha gets her way n they come back to her to say sorry. even my own cousins gowree.ka n shank.ka r close. how i wish i had a much better sis. someone hu dusnt shout at me all the time. the one hu dusnt act like my second mum. n the one hu dusnt tok to me onli for advice. we barely tok. me n akka. i noe appa'a trying to make it happen all agn. hes trying to bring back the family. but somehow. i dun think tt wud ever happen. i somehow knew. ever since young. tt my sis was gonna bcome like tt. she always wans it her way n she makes me listen to her no matter wat. i listen to her cause i wanna stop her from shouting n ive always had this fear. cause last time wen i was like p3 n p4. i used to cry everyday bcause of her. she used to hit me. pinch me. n there was this once. where i din follow her upstairs cause i was watching tv. den she got angry. so she off the tv. i still refused to go. n den she hit me hard on the head. n there i go crying agn bcause it was so damnit pain. n until now. she has never said sorry to me. not once. its like as if its a bad word. but amma makes me say it to her. n there was once i cant rmb y. but she was like im gonna slap u. n i like one goon go say slap ah. n she did. hard n cold across my face. n her finger marks stay red for the entire day. the whole patch is red for the day. i lock myself in the room we used to share. the bedroom. i wud bury my head into the pillow. cry everything out. look at the god pics n wonder wat the heck i did wrong to deserve this. den i wud stay there in my room alone for like half an hour recovering. den aft tt my sis wud try to tok to me like nth happened. i juz ignore her. but the most annoying part is tt my dad wun scold her alot cause my dad favours her like hell. she wud always say i deserve wat i got. tts ow i started hating her. but how i wish she turned back to the person hu told me everything. i juz wan a better sis. is tt too much to ask? mayb for me. still there wud b no sorry. n my mum dusnt scold. so yupp. i myself dunno how i live with sucha sis. but its not like shes forever evil. i mean she still cares. rite?. yes she does. she shud. now everyone except me n my dad are sleeping. my dad downstairs watching tv. i better go sleep ah. get ready for tmrw. all alone cause even amma has left me alone by sleeping extra early. nows onli 10.30. so yupps. chao-s.
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