1:27 AM
yo. not exactly in the best mood. but today was half totally fun n half totally sad n hard for me to take. normal national day celebrations. fun. im with masyi n pearki most of the time. having soo much of fun. den me divee masyi pearki rukku n ranjanni [janu] walk to tanah merah. den we take mrt to tm. n we c half the sch there la. having fun. taking neoprints n playing at toys r us. but the sad part comes wen rukku suddenly looks extremely sad n dusnt tok to any of us properly. she told me everything later. actually juz now. its so hard. her life. i dun understand how shes been hiding all this frm me for sucha llooong time. i juz wish i knew how to help her. she has problems with friends. family. cousins. n shes telling me she cant even b happy. we were toking for damnit long la. until my batt suddenly wen flat. n now i cant call her. shit. she was telling me everything. i noe how she feels living without a dad n tt totally sucks. shes got soo many problems dumped on her n she cant handle it. she told me. ive always been thinking. mayb she needs a counsellor to atleast advice her. cause wat m i to say! i think like her. i cant sound older rite. i cant give advice like an adult rite. i noe i can help her in one way tho. cause i noe shes suffering from friendship problems from this stupid b***** hus always mean to her n i no one noes y. im juz not gonna let her suffer from her anymore. i cant juz watch n act like nth's wrong aft she told me how she felt. its up to us now. but now im so so confused. n i dunno wat to do. n on top of tt i hav itty it. nn i reealli wanna stay in keez's hse so i can try n get advice from the bestest cousins ever. i need cheering up for goodness sake. i saw shank.ka today at tm! =D she suddenly tapped me n i turned arnd n i was like hi shank.ka! lol. she was with azhar gonna watch a movie. gosh hes tall n im guessing hes shy? lols. i wish wish wish i can stay over at their place! i need looads of cheering of n i need my happy-go-lucky mood back cause im tt kinda person! ok guess wat. amma juz called n crushed everything. she said i cant go stay cause mayb appas bringing us to go c fireworks. wow. so fun. even if he brings us. it wud never b as fun as last time. me akka n appa used to make fun of my mum. n it was always my dad hu started it. it used to b so much of fun. my dad. he changed everything. n it wasnt onli him. now its akka also cause shes all about being in her own little world. it wunt b the same cause now appa dusnt even tok to my mum n it looks like he practically hates her. n sometimes i dun understand amma either. i juz had a long cry out thinking y does everybody treat me like im so much older. theres no one to make me feel small n young. hema's bro is like soo super nice. shaki rarely even toks to me nowadays. n manesha mostly tells me abt her own things than listening to me at all. n my onli sister is going further n further away from me. hu else do i hav? manju? my dog? the onli fear i hav is wat if she goes?! its a horrible thought but i cant help thinking. i wud b probably bcome a panda aft crying so much. n i wud probably miss days of sch. it wunt b easy at all. n amma depends on me to help her all the time to get appa to tok to her. n i cant stand the fact tt shes making me miss all the stuff i wanna do bcause she believes appas bringing us out but he never is. n even if he does. its definitely not fun at all. we wud probably juz b quiet in the car. me n akka. we r old enuff to noe. we r old enuff to noe y appa is like tt. we noe. n amma juz tries to cover everything like using loads n loads of makeup to cover the ugly pimple. it sucks. n i cant take it. i dun even hav the mood to go serangoon road with amma to buy appa's gr8t present. but u noe wat. amma told me shes scared appa wud scold her for buying the present. n i wun b surprised if he does. my life isnt perfect. but i juz wished it cud b a bit better than this? like how it used to b b4. mayb being 13 is seriously unlucky. unlucky for me i guess.
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